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Silly Jokes
Tweet Topic Started: Feb 29 2008, 11:32 PM (1,943 Views)
Auntie Maine Jul 9 2008, 10:06 PM Post #61
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Bitchy Witch
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An Arkansas man spoke frantically into the phone, 'my wife is pregnant and
her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.

"No ya dummy" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
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Rodney Jul 10 2008, 01:24 AM Post #62
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Bon Qui Qui
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:ha
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Denovissimus Jul 31 2008, 07:21 PM Post #63
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:ha

:clap
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Auntie Maine Jul 31 2008, 10:38 PM Post #64
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Seriously. :tapping Your just now reading them.
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Julesy Aug 1 2008, 08:51 PM Post #65
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deliciously domestic
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someone emailed me this joke

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm together, and
then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated.

When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. A dozen babies are
in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming. Over in the corner,
one baby is smiling serenely.

A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the two gays she points out
the happy child as theirs.

"Isn't it wonderful?" one gay says to the other. "All these unhappy babies... and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves our love for each other."

The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now. But just watch what happens when we pull the pacifier out of his ass."
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Auntie Maine Aug 9 2008, 04:02 PM Post #66
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:ha
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Auntie Maine Aug 9 2008, 04:03 PM Post #67
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These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published! By court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
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Auntie Maine Aug 9 2008, 04:03 PM Post #68
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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Auntie Maine Aug 9 2008, 04:03 PM Post #69
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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Auntie Maine Aug 9 2008, 04:03 PM Post #70
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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Auntie Maine Aug 9 2008, 04:04 PM Post #71
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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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Auntie Maine Aug 9 2008, 04:04 PM Post #72
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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo
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Auntie Maine Aug 9 2008, 04:04 PM Post #73
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS:20 Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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Auntie Maine Aug 9 2008, 04:05 PM Post #74
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
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Auntie Maine Aug 9 2008, 04:05 PM Post #75
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding' me?
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Auntie Maine Aug 9 2008, 04:05 PM Post #76
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was getting laid!
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Auntie Maine Aug 9 2008, 04:06 PM Post #77
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None .
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you s******* me?
Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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Auntie Maine Aug 9 2008, 04:06 PM Post #78
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
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Auntie Maine Aug 9 2008, 04:06 PM Post #79
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
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Auntie Maine Aug 9 2008, 04:06 PM Post #80
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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