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Silly Jokes
Tweet Topic Started: Feb 29 2008, 11:32 PM (1,944 Views)
Auntie Maine Jun 7 2008, 03:08 PM Post #41
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White man, Black man, Chinese man. They were all in hell. Satan said," If you let me melt your dick in my hand I"ll send you to Heaven." They said OK, so the white man placed his dick in Satan's hand, and it melted, so he went to heaven. The Chinese man placed his dick in Satan's hand and it melted, so he went to heaven. Then the black man placed his dick in Satan's hand and it DIDN'T melt. So then Satan got mad and asked him "Why won't it melt?" The black guy smiled and replied, "Chocolate melts in your mouth and not in your hand."
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Auntie Maine Jun 7 2008, 03:09 PM Post #42
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Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fucking French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fucking French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fucking French toast."
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Rodney Jun 13 2008, 04:50 PM Post #43
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Q: What is the difference between and Virgin and a washing machine?



A: The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it!


:ha
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Auntie Maine Jun 13 2008, 09:04 PM Post #44
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:ha
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Rodney Jun 23 2008, 06:11 PM Post #45
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One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind
him, 'My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!'

'Listen mate; don't waste your time down at the surgery', Mike
replies. 'There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a
urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to
do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid....a lot
quicker and better than a doctor and you get Clubcard points'.

So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.
He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten
seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: 'You have tennis
elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will
improve in two weeks'.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack
began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter, and 'pleasured himself' into the mixture for good measure.

Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He
deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results
with a grin.

The computer prints the following:

1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
get better....

Thank you for shopping at Tesco
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Julesy Jun 23 2008, 06:22 PM Post #46
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loved the virgin one :ha
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alondria Jun 23 2008, 06:42 PM Post #47
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Cum swallowing whore!!!
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:ha love it rodney
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Auntie Maine Jun 23 2008, 08:02 PM Post #48
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:ha
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alondria Jun 24 2008, 05:30 PM Post #49
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Think of a number between 1 and 10

Multiply by 9

You now have a 2 digit number (for example 16)

Add the two digits together (example 1 and 6=7

take away 5 (example 7 -5 = 2)

Now relate that number to a letter of the alphabet, so 1 = ! 2 = B etc

Think of a country beginning with the letter?

Think of an animal beginning with the 2nd letter of the country?

Now think of the colour of the animal?
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Rodney Jun 24 2008, 05:59 PM Post #50
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yeah...so now what?

The animal I was thinking of was Michele
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alondria Jun 24 2008, 06:09 PM Post #51
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Cum swallowing whore!!!
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sorry got distracted, its meant to me some mind reading trick, you are supposedly thinking of a grey elephant in denmark
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Rodney Jun 25 2008, 06:00 PM Post #52
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Aaah! I had Denmark but, I had an Emu in mind! lol
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Julesy Jun 25 2008, 11:12 PM Post #53
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Quote:
 
yeah...so now what?

The animal I was thinking of was Michele



:ha
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Auntie Maine Jul 9 2008, 10:04 PM Post #54
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How can you tell if an Arkansas redneck is married? There's dried tobacco
juice on both sides of his pickup truck.
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Auntie Maine Jul 9 2008, 10:04 PM Post #55
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Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to
32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
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Auntie Maine Jul 9 2008, 10:04 PM Post #56
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What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Arkansas? - - - - - Documentaries.
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Auntie Maine Jul 9 2008, 10:05 PM Post #57
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An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-40 and says to the
driver, "Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies, "Bout whut?"
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Auntie Maine Jul 9 2008, 10:05 PM Post #58
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The governor's mansion in Arkansas burned down! Yep. Pert near took out the
whole trailer park. The library was a total loss, too. Both books - Poof !
Up in flames ..... and they hadn't even finished coloring one of them.
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Auntie Maine Jul 9 2008, 10:05 PM Post #59
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At the scene of the accident a trooper asked the Arkansas driver what gear
he was in at the moment of impact.

He replied, "Tractor hat and camouflage hunting outfit".
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Auntie Maine Jul 9 2008, 10:06 PM Post #60
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Folks in Arkansas now go to movies in groups of 18. They were told "17 and
under are not admitted".
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