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Dear Santa.....
Tweet Topic Started: Dec 13 2007, 01:33 AM (202 Views)
Shawn Dec 13 2007, 01:33 AM Post #1
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deer santa:

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend, BiLLy


Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa






Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah


Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa






Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love,

Teddy


Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly?

It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?

Santa






Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis


Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.

Santa






Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan


Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor?

Two words, Jim Beam.

Santa






Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend, Thomas


Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made by little kids like you in China Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.

Santa

P.S. Tell your mom she got the part.





Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica


Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa






Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one? Timmy


Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.

Santa






Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Marky


Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,

Santa



:cheer :ha :cheer :ha :cheer :ha :cheer :ha :cheer
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Julesy Dec 13 2007, 01:37 AM Post #2
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:ha
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la anaconda de chocolatee Dec 13 2007, 02:02 AM Post #3
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pretty funny
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Noname Dec 13 2007, 05:41 PM Post #4
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Kind of funny.
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Denovissimus Dec 13 2007, 05:58 PM Post #5
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That would be me if I were santa
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Noname Dec 13 2007, 06:28 PM Post #6
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Jesse, don't be so mean.
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Denovissimus Dec 13 2007, 06:39 PM Post #7
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Oh please, the whole santa concept is a crock of shit anyway! And children need to know that!
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Noname Dec 13 2007, 11:18 PM Post #8
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I think it's cute. That they believe in him.
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Denovissimus Dec 13 2007, 11:19 PM Post #9
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I don't, I fine it delusional and sets a bad example from parents, already setting precedents to lie!
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Noname Dec 13 2007, 11:29 PM Post #10
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LOL!! You are giving them the chance to imagine things and I find that adorable!! :sleigh
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Denovissimus Dec 13 2007, 11:33 PM Post #11
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I find it deplorable!
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Noname Dec 13 2007, 11:45 PM Post #12
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:alondria :michele
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Denovissimus Dec 13 2007, 11:54 PM Post #13
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Santa Clause is a fat bitch who can eat a fat cock and choke on it!

Oh my...Tourette's attack!
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Julesy Dec 14 2007, 12:27 AM Post #14
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who made up santa, anyway?

christmas now is about BUY ME! BUY ME! BUY ME

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