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The Philosophy of Infidelity
Tweet Topic Started: Nov 12 2006, 09:52 AM (2,041 Views)
Denovissimus Nov 12 2006, 09:52 AM Post #1
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Now I mentioned that I had a whole argument in favor of infidelity but at this moment in time I cannot focus those thoughts (in other words I'm drunk)...but, this topic can be begun with the basic of questions:

1. If you could cheat on your significant other and get away with it would you?

2. If your significant other cheated on you would you be able to forgive the transgression?

I can answer yes for now, for both questions.
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Julesy Nov 12 2006, 02:51 PM Post #2
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Quote:
 
If you could cheat on your significant other and get away with it would you?
Who wouldnt? Seriously?

I love my guy with all my corazon, but if it were made available to me, would I? with no consequences? YES. I may sound like a bitch, but...I havent expertienced any other guy exept mine. My purpose would be to see what its like. Out of curiousity.

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If your significant other cheated on you would you be able to forgive the transgression?

I would say, YES. To a certain extent. If it was say..a one night stand..maybe. If it was with someone with whom he had a relationship, NO. If he formed a bond with a woman other than me, hell no.
I know from experience with my dad. He cheated on my mum and had 3 kids with the other woman. All while married to my mum,and with us (my bro and I). That hurts a hell of alot more.

Now having it done to me, is a different story. :;
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la anaconda de chocolatee Nov 12 2006, 03:34 PM Post #3
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1. If you could cheat on your significant other and get away with it would you?

Being that I have been through this myself, no I would never. I dont ever want to be in the situation again of cheating on a person that I love. And I didnt cheat on my husband because I was able to get away with it, the only reason why I did it was because I fell in love with Cedric, which I was unable to control falling in love with him.

2. If your significant other cheated on you would you be able to forgive the transgression?

I could probably be more forgivable, being as I was a cheater once and I know what it is like. But like Jules said, it also depends on the transgression as well.



I have a question to pose on all of you. What is worse, cheating on someone with a person whom you have no emotional attachments and you just wanted to have sex with? Or cheating because you fell in love with someone else?

I am asking because about a month ago, Darwin confessed to me that about 3 months after we got married, he cheated on me. He said over the course of a 3 month period, he had sex with this woman whom he had no feelings for, he had sex with her about 6 times. This occured a good 6 months before I even met Cedric. Since our divorce has been finalized and me and darwin have been broken up for a while, and seeing as how badly I hurt him, I wasnt really hurt by this confession. But of course if I had known back when we were still married, I would have been.

So that had me thinking, what is worse? How he cheated or how I cheated? At first I thought mine was worse, because I fell in love with another man and I didnt stop it, or was unsuccessful in stopping the affair (I tried to a couple of times) even after I confessed to Darwin. I thought that was worse because I truely betrayed my husband by developing such deep feelings for another man. BUT, no matter how hard I tried, I could not control these feelings, if I could I would have. And I know that is the only reason why I cheated, I wouldnt have done what he did and just have sex with someone because I felt like it. So then I was thinking, is it worse what he did? Just to fuck someone whom he didnt have feelings for after we were married? I dont know, that is a tough question.
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Julesy Nov 12 2006, 03:41 PM Post #4
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I still cant get past that your ex husband was named Darwin..lol

Anyway, I reckon forming a bond/relationship/feelings is alot worse.
Sex is one thing..loving someone is a whole new ball game.

I would be more likely to forgive a sex thing than to know my lovah is with someone other than me, sharing his feelings and thoughts
I mean, after we have sex, we lay there and talk and just arein the moment, ya know? THATS our time.
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la anaconda de chocolatee Nov 12 2006, 03:44 PM Post #5
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that is what I think but then on the other hand, if someone whom you are in a serious relationship with and whom supposedly loves you can just go out there and fuck someone like nothing, then to me in a way that seems much worse.
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Julesy Nov 12 2006, 03:47 PM Post #6
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true Michele. Guys are alot different than us. All they think about is fucking. Its sad and bullshit, but its just ...........meh


Its much easier for them, I reckon
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Hunter Nov 12 2006, 03:49 PM Post #7
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Denovissimus
Nov 12 2006, 08:52 PM
1. If you could cheat on your significant other and get away with it would you?

No, I wouldnt.

Ive been the bitch of a cheater once upon a time
Wouldve got away with it very easily but I owned up
Didnt enjoy much the life of a lie

The time before I confessed
The cheatin' ate away at the good I had with my lovah, lovah
Maybe its just the guilt Im not sure but it sure feels like something more than loyality has been lost

Quote:
 
2.  If your significant other cheated on you would you be able to forgive the transgression?


I have forgiven a lover cheatin'
But have also totally rejected another that cheated, n' gave a full blown war before I left him so hmmmm .... .... With the guy Im in love with now

Ive forgiven some heavy stuff with him already
But if he cheats, I dont know .... ....

Depends on how much I love the lovah, lovah thats gone n' betrayed my trust I suppose
Weigh it up if he's worth the pain n' sufferin' till the forgivness really kicks in
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alondria Nov 12 2006, 09:33 PM Post #8
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no to both questions, i would never cheat. why be with someone just to go off with someone else, doesn't seem right. I could never forgive someone cheating on me either, if they did it would be over
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Atomic Blonde Nov 13 2006, 06:02 PM Post #9
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Im pretty much with Alondria, I have no urge to cheat and I don't think I would have the ability to cheat because it would eat away at me until I was nothing.

Also, I could never forgive my other half for cheating. Im really bad at forgiving anyone for anything, as I never forget anything. So something as big as cheating, even if we went on in our relationship, I know Id never trust him again.
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Hunter Nov 13 2006, 09:52 PM Post #10
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For a very long time I was the type that had no patience for cheatin'
Always thought I will never forgive such a betrayal
I even got pissed off with some friends durin' this time, when they had forgiven a cheatin' partner

But I changed somewhere along the road .... ....
In my experiences of forgivin' a cheatin' lover
Was so not a massive mistake as some see it

We both moved on from it
The relationship in fact got better

Some of the best moments n' memories Ive had my life would not have happened, if I had not forgiven him.

I also would not have met some of the incredible friends I have now if I had left him unforgiven

Of course Im not a fool, Im not goin' to let a partner walk all over me.
But not one to say forgivin' a partner cheatin' is out of the question
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la anaconda de chocolatee Nov 14 2006, 03:53 AM Post #11
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I agree with Hunter. It is so easy for people to say that they would never forgive being cheated on. The majority of people say that. But once you are in the situation, it is amazing what you can forgive when you really love someone, even something you never ever thought you would. I think that most people do end up forgiving and try to work it out, even if they said beforehand that they never would.
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Sexy Zombie Nov 15 2006, 03:52 AM Post #12
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1. If you could cheat on your significant other and get away with it would you?

No. If I were to do that how could I even trust myself besides it puts you and your partner at higher rick at getting diseases. I think how would you feel if it was done to you? I know how it feels and I would rather just have a break up than have a lying cheating asshole by me.

2. If your significant other cheated on you would you be able to forgive the transgression?
No and I still haven't.
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Jane Nov 18 2006, 09:12 PM Post #13
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1. If you could cheat on your significant other and get away with it would you?

Most likely yes, for the same reasons as Julesy. But in real life it's not so simple...you can't know if you would get away with it so the question is could I afford to lose everything I have here with Rick for the sake of sex with someone else? If I'm being sane and reasonable absolutely not. If I'm being mischievous, curious, feel like doing something different for the hell of it...there is a part of me that thinks that way but the sane part wins so far.


2. If your significant other cheated on you would you be able to forgive the transgression?

I used to think the answer to this would be no no matter what, but it would depend on circumstances, and number of times something happened. I would never send this message out to my other half though, that I might forgive, because that gives them permission sort of. I want my other half to think I'd chop his balls off if he did anything. :)
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Denovissimus Nov 18 2006, 09:30 PM Post #14
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I think there are certain circumstances where a person should be able to get some stray. If the sex drive of one sex partner is not being fulfilled by the other, then I don't see why the one that wants it shouldn't go out and get it. I'm talking about not getting any at all, as opposed to getting some here and there and they are just being greedy for more. No. In some relationships, the love is there but for whatever reason the sex is not. Lust and love don't have to go hand and hand. I don't see anything wrong with going out and fulfulling that lust so long as it is a one night thing and that it is not done all the time, just once every long while. Doing it constantly, or even maintaining a separate fuck relationship with someone else I think is not right. There has to be boundaries to infidelity. But you have to be prepared for the thought of your significant other doing it to you. If you can accept and forgive that it can be done to you, then it shows you are able to deal with any consesquence.

This is where my thoughts on infidelity began, me thinking would I forgive MIguel if he cheated on me. I really wasn't thinking of cheating myself, I thought would I forgive him if he did. Eventually I came around to thinking, I love him and yes I would forgive him so long as it was a one time deal. Of course I would want an explanation and would give him hell, but in the end I love him and I understand that we are men and as men we don't always like the same old routine shite. We need to spice things up. Hence the threeways once every so often. But because Miguel drinks a lot, I often don't like to have that drunk sloppy sex. Me bottoming takes effort and care, and doesn't show any when he's drunk, he just wants to plug away like a dog and that turns me off.

Hence, the thoughts of infidelity crept in. I'm not being satisfied the way I want to be satisfied, but I love him. So, since I've already resolved to forgive him if he ever cheated I'm supposing I am ready to indulge that lust in myself at some point and see how I feel after. The thing about infidelity is that you have to be smart about it. Its a personal and yes greedy thing, and you shouldn't hurt or anger your partner by your careless stupidity.

Infidelity is not for everyone, nor is forgiving if it were done to you. You have to have a strong sense of will and of self. My sense of will and self surpasses the bounds of my relationship. The thought of my entire life being wholly dependant upon someone else repels me. That is not who I am as a spirit. I recognize that in the end our journeys are our own. We don't take our loved ones with us when we die. We all have our own paths and destinies, though I suppose along the road we will see kindred spirits of the past and I suppose way at the end of the road there will be a reunion...but I think of it as more of a return to the All.

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Denovissimus Nov 18 2006, 09:35 PM Post #15
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One more thought, it has been commented why be with someone if you are going to cheat?

Well, why are you with someone at all? To have a sex partner, or to have someone to love? People can fuck all they want, but they can't love all they want. That takes reservations to someone special.

So the two are indeed separate, sex and love.

Unless you are a polygamist. :twirl :twirl
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la anaconda de chocolatee Nov 19 2006, 12:37 AM Post #16
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Jesse if you really honestly feel that way then why even cheat? Why not have an open relationship with Miguel? Why not get into the swingers scene?
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Julesy Nov 19 2006, 12:42 AM Post #17
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Quote:
 
So the two are indeed separate, sex and love.


i dont know. i couldnt maintain a relationship with my guy if ther was no sex. no matter how much Im in love with him.i reckon they go hand in hand. if you are lacking one or the other something is def wrong.why even be with that person?
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la anaconda de chocolatee Nov 19 2006, 12:48 AM Post #18
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I agree with you jules. Although obviously people have sex with each other sometimes when they are not together or in love. But when you do love someone and you are in a relationship with them, sex does and should go hand in hand with love. If you no longer have any sex life with that person at all, then like Jules said, there is something wrong. So either work on fixing the problem, or end the relationship.
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Hunter Nov 19 2006, 01:06 AM Post #19
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Denovissimus
Nov 19 2006, 08:30 AM
I recognize that in the end our journeys are our own.  We don't take our loved ones with us when we die.  We all have our own paths and destinies, though I suppose along the road we will see kindred spirits of the past and I suppose way at the end of the road there will be a reunion...but I think of it as more of a return to the All.

:clap

Very well said, Jesse !!!

Im not 100% on this
But I think Jesse meant somethin' else on the sex and love comment
Thats been both understood and misunderstood

Quote:
 
People can fuck all they want, but they can't love all they want. That takes reservations to someone special.


Sounds like .... ....

Jesse loves Miguel
But the lust side of things hasnt been so great lately

This does not make their love any less in value

Good sex makes a good relationship even greater yeah
But if the sex isnt as good as it once doesnt give a good reason to leave
Not through my eyes anyway

So Im sure they will work it out, come to an agreement etc cos the love is there

When the sex aint all that, things can be worked out ....
But when the love isnt there anymore, thats when it all f*cks up good and proper n' its time to leave or do some serious rebuildin'
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Julesy Nov 19 2006, 01:15 AM Post #20
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But if the sex isnt as good as it once doesnt give a good reason to leave
i agree,BUT when there is NO SEX, whats the point?
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