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To Spank or Not To Spank; Parental Punishments ~ Behaviour Control
Tweet Topic Started: Oct 31 2006, 07:03 PM (705 Views)
Julesy Nov 1 2006, 05:18 AM Post #21
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ok, maybe not physical punishment all the time, but holy hell
if I give my kids rewards for what they should be expected to do.

Spare THe Rod?

No.

Punish the bad? Yes, to a certain extent.

Talking to and making examples does not work all the time.
There are other routes.
Verbal compliments can take over "rewards" and spoiling kids.



Hey, you did good"Kudos to you"

That doesnt validate a "prize".

That should be EXPECTED of your kids, if you raise them right.

No one should get a gift,prize,bribe, for acting civil, normal,that is just stupid


:rocks

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Jane Nov 1 2006, 07:39 AM Post #22
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Too often children get smacked out of anger and frustration on the part of the parent. I've had it done to me once, too aggressively and for the wrong reasons and I never forgot it. I was also smacked lightly on the bum for doing things wrong, and while it didn't hurt the humiliation makes you hate your mother for a while. You behave out of fear....is that right? There is a fine line between fear of parents and respect of parents. Exactly as some of you have said kids should do right because it's the right thing to do. And you can encourage that with positive reinforcement like Michele said. My sister uses this technique on a class of 4 years olds and she can keep order this way so why can't parents. If you have siblings fighting...or if my sister sees one child hit another she will go and comfort the one being hit and ignore the one doing the hitting rather than punishing them. The "bad" one soon starts acting good because he/she wants some of this positive attention.

I prefer hitting to no discipline at all....I think this is where people get mixed up. They think that because it's not physical no discipline is happening but it can be.

Also again going back to setting an example, are we teaching children that we can push around people smaller than us to make them do what we want? If children were born big (taltos style!) we wouldn't be so keen to do it then would we? Isn't that a power trip?

Just my little thoughts....

Oh I have more....while I'm obviously not a parent I remember when Vinny was a pup getting really frustrated with him when he was being naughty and really losing my temper and hitting him. For this reason I'd prefer to say no hitting ever if I had kids so I know I'd always be in control. If I felt myself get angry like that I'd have to walk away and come back when I was collected. I wonder how many other parents are like this but just don't want to admit it?
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Sexy Zombie Nov 1 2006, 09:04 AM Post #23
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A light smack on the butt is fine for little kids not for older kids though. I'd rather do the reasoning with them but at young ages you just can't reason with them on somethings they won't understand. I think there are certian times when a smack on the butt is due and certian times where it's not and you can use a different way. I don't think spankings are the only way. My parents used to do it but not in a mean way. My parents never hit me in anger and they only spanked me when I did something really bad or something that endangered my life.
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la anaconda de chocolatee Nov 1 2006, 12:53 PM Post #24
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verbal praising does go along with positive reinforcement, you praise them first then show them that they get a star and are such and such closer to getting their goal prize. Some kids dont need actual rewards, they just need verbal praise alone. And it is not spoiling, unless you are doing the reward system wrong and you buy them something everytime they do something right. Non materialistic things can be used for positive reinforcements such as computer time, getting to watch a particular tv show or go to a particular movie, getting to hang out with a friend on the weekend, getting to do an activity with the parent, getting to stay up later, getting to go out to their favorite restaurant for lunch.

My sister does this with my neice. Occasionally if there is a toy that she really wants she can work towards that. But mostly her rewards/punishments are either getting to do or not getting to do the things I mentioned above.

My kids will not be spoiled, trust me. I am firmly AGAINST spoiling!

Hell, if my kids are already well behaved from how I raise them, I may never have to do a reward system. My sister NEVER gives in to my neice's temper tantrums. My neice has a very A type dominant personality so sometimes she still acts out no matter what my sister does and I told my sister that is just her personality, if you didnt give her any consequences at all, she would be much worse. But she wont ever be a perfect child because she is an A type personality. Very driven, always wants to be in charge, always wants to do everything first and best.

Jane thanks for bringing up the ignoring thing too! I also believe in that and I am very good at ignoring someone if I want to so my kids wont get the attention that they want sometimes if they are acting badly. If a kid is acting out because they really want attention, then spanking them is giving them attention for what they did s o they may not care about being spanked, in fact they may want it. Even if it hurts, it is still attention for their behavior.
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Denovissimus Nov 1 2006, 07:58 PM Post #25
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I'm whipping their little asses AND taking their shit away! :rocks
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la anaconda de chocolatee Nov 1 2006, 08:09 PM Post #26
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lol! Oh now you want to breed?
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Jane Nov 1 2006, 09:22 PM Post #27
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I wonder if some people who were spanked as children crave it as adults?!

I know it's not a sexual topic but thought I'd diversify it in a garden stylee!
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Julesy Nov 1 2006, 09:42 PM Post #28
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Quote:
 
I'm whipping their little asses AND taking their shit away!


I second that! :rocks :rocks

LOL Jane, I was spanked as a kid and I dont find it sexual in any way.

Pulling my hair during sex, thats a different thing. :girly
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Jane Nov 1 2006, 09:43 PM Post #29
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I was just exploring all avenues!
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Julesy Nov 1 2006, 09:47 PM Post #30
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:ha
I hear ya Jane.

Actually I was watcing CSI and this guy had a foot fetish because his mum was a hooker and she would put him under the bed while her and a John had sex and the only thing he saw was her feet. THats how it started

Sick huh? :gosh
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Noname Nov 4 2006, 06:18 PM Post #31
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Okay, look, sometimes these children need disicipline. These parents be letting their childrene walk all over them. So, spanking yes. Beating no. I am not going to lie my mom kept me in check with that belt and although I hated her afterwards I knew she was doing what she thought was right. I might spank my child but i will never beat them. like those childrens who lose their lives because their parents be them.
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