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Life prison; Poem.
Topic Started: Nov 18 2005, 08:26 PM (368 Views)
Sea
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Life Prison

I lay staring at the midnight sky
dreams countless as the stars.
Worlds of wonder, worlds of fright
the imagination forever takes flight.
An adventure awaiting for eyes to close
but obligation bids time to flow.
Ripped from the world and returned in flash
the innocent watches the butterfly pass.
Come back to the life of death.

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Criticism? I don't fancy myself a great poemistry type so..Be gentle.. :blink:
Currently, I am lost.
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Argen
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Quote:
 
I lay staring at the midnight sky,
Dreams countless as the stars.
Worlds of wonder, worlds of fright,
The imagination forever takes flight.
An adventure awaiting for eyes to close,
But obligation bids time to flow.
Ripped from the world and returned in flash,
The innocent watches the butterfly pass.
Come back to the life of death.


More capitalization and puctuation added.
What's it about? :blink: I seriously have no idea.
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Sea
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No idea on what its about? Then my work here is done!
Actually I don't expect people to understand it, some might.
And uhh capitalization? Each "sentence" is appropriately capitalimicized.
Currently, I am lost.
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Argen
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And uhh capitalization? Each "sentence" is appropriately capitalimicized.


Yes, but each line should be caps, even if it is the middle of a sentence.
And thank you for explaining it! :angry: I kinda understand what it is, but the theme isn't strong enough. It's like saying "I have a spoon.", but it is meant to represent poverty. Now if you had said, "All I have is a rusty spoon.", then poverty is more apparent.*



(* References to salad fingers not intended.)
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Sea
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Mmmm spoon. Tasty spoon. Oh, basically its the feeling I get whenever I have to put down a book, stop playing a game, or wake from a daydream. I understand it's not too good, but I gotta start somewhere. Most poetry I can think up only pops into my mind in 1 or 2 phrases, leaving me to build off of it which I'm not too good at. Did I mention that I like turtles?
Currently, I am lost.
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Argen
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Quote:
 
Mmmm spoon. Tasty spoon. Oh, basically its the feeling I get whenever I have to put down a book, stop playing a game, or wake from a daydream. I understand it's not too good, but I gotta start somewhere. Most poetry I can think up only pops into my mind in 1 or 2 phrases, leaving me to build off of it which I'm not too good at. Did I mention that I like turtles?



Oh! :lol: Same with me, except I can build off of it. It may take thre or four revisions, but I can do it.
My e-mail isn't working, for some reason I don't have a reply box. :blink:
My dad logged on to his account and it worked fine, so it isn't our comp.
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Sea
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Once I get through these last few weeks of the semester, I'll try and revise the poem. I also plan on writing a biography for Seaven. I started one awhile ago but lost it when my imac got hit by lightning.
Currently, I am lost.
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AncientMyste
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Hi, Sea, good to see you here!

I really liked that poem. I write mystic type poetry too. And who knows where the punctuation goes??? I don't. :rolleyes: <--- *looks around sheepishly*
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