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| Life prison; Poem. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 18 2005, 08:26 PM (368 Views) | |
| Sea | Nov 18 2005, 08:26 PM Post #1 |
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Life Prison I lay staring at the midnight sky dreams countless as the stars. Worlds of wonder, worlds of fright the imagination forever takes flight. An adventure awaiting for eyes to close but obligation bids time to flow. Ripped from the world and returned in flash the innocent watches the butterfly pass. Come back to the life of death. ![]() Criticism? I don't fancy myself a great poemistry type so..Be gentle..
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| Currently, I am lost. | |
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| Argen | Nov 19 2005, 04:11 AM Post #2 |
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More capitalization and puctuation added. What's it about? I seriously have no idea.
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| Visit my Xanga (Blog) | |
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| Sea | Nov 19 2005, 04:27 AM Post #3 |
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No idea on what its about? Then my work here is done! Actually I don't expect people to understand it, some might. And uhh capitalization? Each "sentence" is appropriately capitalimicized. |
| Currently, I am lost. | |
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| Argen | Nov 20 2005, 05:45 AM Post #4 |
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Yes, but each line should be caps, even if it is the middle of a sentence. And thank you for explaining it! :angry: I kinda understand what it is, but the theme isn't strong enough. It's like saying "I have a spoon.", but it is meant to represent poverty. Now if you had said, "All I have is a rusty spoon.", then poverty is more apparent.* (* References to salad fingers not intended.) |
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| Sea | Nov 20 2005, 09:44 PM Post #5 |
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Mmmm spoon. Tasty spoon. Oh, basically its the feeling I get whenever I have to put down a book, stop playing a game, or wake from a daydream. I understand it's not too good, but I gotta start somewhere. Most poetry I can think up only pops into my mind in 1 or 2 phrases, leaving me to build off of it which I'm not too good at. Did I mention that I like turtles? |
| Currently, I am lost. | |
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| Argen | Nov 22 2005, 02:43 PM Post #6 |
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Oh! :lol: Same with me, except I can build off of it. It may take thre or four revisions, but I can do it. My e-mail isn't working, for some reason I don't have a reply box. My dad logged on to his account and it worked fine, so it isn't our comp. |
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| Sea | Nov 25 2005, 02:35 AM Post #7 |
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Once I get through these last few weeks of the semester, I'll try and revise the poem. I also plan on writing a biography for Seaven. I started one awhile ago but lost it when my imac got hit by lightning. |
| Currently, I am lost. | |
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| AncientMyste | Nov 26 2005, 05:37 PM Post #8 |
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Hi, Sea, good to see you here! I really liked that poem. I write mystic type poetry too. And who knows where the punctuation goes??? I don't. :rolleyes: <--- *looks around sheepishly* |
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