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| Santa Clause | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 23 2006, 10:43 PM (255 Views) | |
| Grumption | Dec 23 2006, 10:43 PM Post #1 |
Horny 'lil Devil
  ![]](http://z2.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)
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For those of you that think Santa exists/existed: There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them- Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now. |
 http://z8.invisionfree.com/PaNiC_DiViSiOn/index.php?act=idx | |
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| tieg126 | Dec 23 2006, 10:45 PM Post #2 |
Hail Sir Post-A-Lot !
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lol its sad that i read the whole thing |
 
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Tom
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Dec 23 2006, 10:46 PM Post #3 |
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hunter22
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but the easter bunny is real right? lmao i can't believe i read that whole thing |
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| Crimson_Fogx | Dec 23 2006, 10:51 PM Post #4 |
In Nomine Patris, Et Filii, Et Spiritus Sancti.
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I read it all to, funny as hell. :lol: |
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| roadkillman5 | Dec 23 2006, 10:53 PM Post #5 |
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Cutthroat that spends too much time on the forums!
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I can't believe i read that whole thing too, btw, Grump did you find that out by yourself? Because if you did i'd be... frightened with your obsession to prove a childrens myth. Lawl at hunter 
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| Matt | Dec 23 2006, 10:53 PM Post #6 |
I should go outside...
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Noes stop displaying facts as santa is real he just uses magic!!!! |
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| chikin | Dec 23 2006, 10:56 PM Post #7 |
^ Send You To Lumb
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lol teacher read that to me |
<img src='http://barsig.brightdev.com/I Trauma I - Initiate Pure/abyssalwhip/bookguthix/ddaggerp/pink.png' border='0' alt='user posted image'> 73/70 Atk 52/52 Pray 75/80 Str 71/82 Mage | |
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| haplo234 | Dec 23 2006, 11:09 PM Post #8 |
cutthroat post-a-holic
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haha ive read that like 1 million times before and its still funny |
| [dohtml]<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/tYnn51C3X_w"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/tYnn51C3X_w" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>[/dohtml] | |
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Zee
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Dec 23 2006, 11:11 PM Post #9 |
Mclf1
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How far would one go to ruin a child's christmas? Lovely ending I must say, vaporizing raindeer brings more joy than any present to little childeren, not to mention the jolly fat guy getting crushed with millions of pounds of pressure. |
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| roadkillman5 | Dec 23 2006, 11:12 PM Post #10 |
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Cutthroat that spends too much time on the forums!
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Grumps a Holiday Scrooge While not really, as long as you don't go around showing that to 5 year old children 
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| Grumption | Dec 23 2006, 11:17 PM Post #11 |
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Horny 'lil Devil
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I showed it to my 5 year old neighbours
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http://z8.invisionfree.com/PaNiC_DiViSiOn/index.php?act=idx | |
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| roadkillman5 | Dec 23 2006, 11:34 PM Post #12 |
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Cutthroat that spends too much time on the forums!
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Stephen
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Dec 23 2006, 11:53 PM Post #13 |
Bob Returns
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You are tryign to say that 85% of the world is Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist ? I think you are vastly mistaken, as near 80% are christian. Umm. Redo math please. |
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| Grumption | Dec 24 2006, 12:02 AM Post #14 |
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Horny 'lil Devil
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Actually you are wrong Bob, and I am more close to the real number. PWNED.
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http://z8.invisionfree.com/PaNiC_DiViSiOn/index.php?act=idx | |
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Zee
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Dec 24 2006, 12:23 AM Post #15 |
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Mclf1
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Yea theres about 2 billion christians. That is umm 1/3 of the world? lol |
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