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Locked Topic
Confessions Of A Santa Bot; Not for the young'ns, mild content
Topic Started: Dec 14 2005, 04:08 PM (467 Views)
Sion Wilder
Unregistered

jeremy00101: merry fuckin christmas santa!

SantaClaus: Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays.

jeremy00101: no

SantaClaus: If you don't ask me another way I'm afraid we just won't understand each other.


jeremy00101: understand this *sticks up middle finger*

SantaClaus: I'm glad you're here. Have you done something to spread the holiday spirit to someone in need today?


jeremy00101: sure did, I had a three-some the other night and we all had a very merry christmas

SantaClaus: That's simply too much for me. My eyes are tired. Can you ask me something a bit more manageable?


jeremy00101: whats your opinion on pornography?

SantaClaus: I'm afraid you'll need to give me a little more to go on than that. What, what?


jeremy00101: do you like porno?

SantaClaus: What do you think?


jeremy00101: i think you watch it every night

SantaClaus: What, indeed!


jeremy00101: mrs.claus not giving you any?

SantaClaus: Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.


jeremy00101: oh im already ahead of ya, im getting a blow job right now

SantaClaus: Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along.

jeremy00101: uh....no

SantaClaus: I'm sorry then. Why don't you type, menu for a list of things the elves have left for you?

jeremy00101: do the elves toss your salad?

SantaClaus: I've got all I can handle.

jeremy00101: Right on Santa your a pimp!

SantaClaus: Sorry the elves didn't get that.


jeremy00101: well im sure if you showed more authority in the bed room they would get it

SantaClaus: Excuse me?


jeremy00101: dont be shy santa, do you like men?

SantaClaus: Well what do you think?


jeremy00101: i think you do

SantaClaus: I guess so.


jeremy00101: see, honesty is always the best answer

SantaClaus: Interesting. Type menu.

jeremy00101: dont change the subject...i think we are connecting on a very spiritual level

SantaClaus: Heh, its settled then.

jeremy00101: so does the elves stick it in your brown eye?

SantaClaus: Something you want to know about them?

jeremy00101: yeah, do they stick it in your brown eye?

SantaClaus: Wonderful!


jeremy00101: oh really? that good huh?

SantaClaus: Good.


jeremy00101: man, i would have never guessed

SantaClaus: Why did you say that?

jeremy00101: well elves are like midgets arent they?

SantaClaus: Love them.

jeremy00101: arent they like 10 years old?

SantaClaus: Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully. Here's quick way to get in the Christmas spirit; type, menu.


jeremy00101: how old are your elves?

SantaClaus:
Very, very old!


jeremy00101: they dont look old, you sure your not lying

SantaClaus: Oh dear, I don't count the years any more. Sill, I'm like 18-19 hundred years now, I think.

jeremy00101: dude thats child rape, you can go to prison for that shit!

SantaClaus: Hmm, that's a lump of coal for you.


jeremy00101: oh yeah, take it out on me for pointing out the obvious

SantaClaus: Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit

jeremy00101: no, this is serious

SantaClaus: Well, we won't get very far with this conversation then will we?


jeremy00101: what happened to honesty?

SantaClaus: Hmm... What, what?


jeremy00101: do you like little kids?

SantaClaus:
I think of every single child as part of my family.


jeremy00101: on a sexual level though?

SantaClaus: Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?

jeremy00101: ok, do you whip out the one-eyed monster in front of children

SantaClaus:
I'm larger than life, if that is what you mean.


jeremy00101: AHHHHH! SANTA RAPES LITTLE KIDS!

SantaClaus: Can I ask YOU something?

jeremy00101: i dunno, i dont think i want to answer questions from a rapist

SantaClaus: Have you done any good deeds yet this holiday season?

jeremy00101: I will when i turn you in to the authorities!

SantaClaus: I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing.

jeremy00101: goin down peoples chimneys....ha! now we know the truth!

SantaClaus: Hey. Are you getting in the Christmas sprit?

jeremy00101: Sorry child molesting doesnt turn me on santa!

SantaClaus:
It's O.K. I'll give you another chance.


jeremy00101: are you hitting on me?

SantaClaus: Do you think so?

jeremy00101: you are!

SantaClaus: What does this have to do with spreading the Christmas spirit?


jeremy00101: dude, i dont care what you call it, i aint up for it!

SantaClaus: My goodness. What, what?


jeremy00101: Santa, put your pants back on....im warning you!

SantaClaus: You've got him.

jeremy00101: OMG! SOMEBODY HELP! HES TRYING TO MOLEST ME!

SantaClaus: O.K. I hear you. You are in need of some assistance. Well I cannot really part with any elves right now.
But if you try typing menu you might find some useful things they have put together for you.

jeremy00101: yes santa, thats right, you should stay faithful to your elves

SantaClaus: What about elves?

jeremy00101: kids are more your type, just stay away from me

SantaClaus: Ah -- you've got me again. Why don't you type menu, it's time to get you in the holiday spirit!

jeremy00101: AHHHH!!!!!!! NO SANTA GET AWAY!!!!!

SantaClaus: O.K. Scrooge. Type menu to try a fresh start.

jeremy00101: I bet you visit Michael Jackson's house every night...

SantaClaus: O.K. don't forget to help others get in the holiday spirit! Merry Christmas. CU!

jeremy00101: wait dont leave!

SantaClaus: What's up?

jeremy00101: Are you and Michael Jackson butt-buddies?

SantaClaus: Are you kidding?


jeremy00101: What? is he not big enough for you?

SantaClaus:
It's not so much the 'what' as it is the 'why'.

jeremy00101: So you only get it on with the kids at the Jackson house?

SantaClaus: The elves tell me that these are the top gifts for kids this year:

1 -- Shout! Elmo
2 -- Dora's Talking Kitchen
3 -- iDog
4 -- V.Smile Pocket Learning System
5 -- Amazing Amanda

jeremy00101: ahhh, so you tempt them with gifts then tell them to open them in your bedroom is that it?

SantaClaus: Goodness, that's too much for me to read. I'm talking to so may children and their parents. Could you ask me something a little shorter?


jeremy00101: Do you fuck little kids faggot?

SantaClaus:
Well, I think of every child as part of my family.


jeremy00101: Michael Jackson said the same thing before he got caught molesting them

1 -- Shout! Elmo
2 -- Dora's Talking Kitchen
3 -- iDog
4 -- V.Smile Pocket Learning System
5 -- Amazing Amanda

jeremy00101: i dont have any kids, so dont get any ideas

SantaClaus: If you're looking for gifts for the little ones, start your search here:

1 -- Shout! Elmo
2 -- Dora's Talking Kitchen
3 -- iDog
4 -- V.Smile Pocket Learning System
5 -- Amazing Amanda

jeremy00101: you just never give up do you

SantaClaus:
It depends if Christmas is coming or not.


jeremy00101: im sure all the little kids that are asleep in their beds would feel really safe hearing what you told me

SantaClaus: Now, now... That's simply just too much for elves and me to understand in one go. Could you try asking something a little shorter?


jeremy00101: Ok this is getting boring now, truth is this santa is fake, the real santa is dead, locked in my basement, michael jackson was appointed the new father christmas and will continue santas work in his own very twisted, and disgusting way. lol merry fucking christmas tom!
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Posted ImageIcelink
Member Avatar
 

you have way too much time on your hands
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Sion Wilder
Unregistered

yeah it wasnt as long as that in the IM chat box, when i posted it i guess it seperated all the messages making it longer, but its still fun to mess with the bots :lol:
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Quint
Member Avatar
Snipore85
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
lol, kinda long but pretty funny
Snipore85

Posted Image
Posted Image
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Xapoc
Cutthroat O' Postage
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
ROFLMFAO omg thats great, but u should get an edit for those 1- blah 2- blah stuff
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Sion Wilder
Unregistered

ya now that i think about it i should have just deleted those links in there when i posted it, but i was lazy and just copied and pasted it from AIM.
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Rocklikehell
mmm... chicken!~
[ *  * ]
well that was funny, and an extremely long conversation with a bot
<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/tpXhSgoDhe8"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/tpXhSgoDhe8" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>
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Raistlin480
Unregistered

That was hilarious!
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Dmitri333
Awesome Dude
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
whats a bot? ive only had AIM for 2 months so i dunno..and icelink dont say "clueless dmitri..."!

ok if u go to a mall on christmas there will be a fake santa and a like of around 20+ people waiting to take pictures..what i dont get is... who the hell wants to sit on a fat guy .. then get a picture to prove he was there!

conversation i made up,

Santa: come here. sit on my lap
2 year old kid: go fuck urself u old 60 year old child malesting mofo!, dont u have anything better to do then malest kids?

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hoket
Unregistered

wow..... i cant believe i read all that.
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Montblanc
Unregistered

lol that was hilarious.
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Dark Fates
Unregistered

roflmao that's great man
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Dmitri333
Awesome Dude
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
whats a bot?
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
Sion Wilder
Unregistered

an AIM Bot is a device that is programmed to automatically respond to you when you talk to it, and is given a variety of sentences to respond with, and it reads your message and quickly searches for a sentence to be the closest match to your message. When it finds it, it talks back to you using that sentence. They are quite fun actually.
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Dmitri333
Awesome Dude
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
oh thats cool, and if any one wants to read this conversation here it is, my santa bot conversation

Dmitri1993: hi
SantaClaus: Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! I'm here on AIM! Everything we talk about here is between you and me! If you want to know more, you can type "privacy". Now, streeeeetch that window and let's get started.

So, have you been naughty or nice?


Dmitri1993: idk
SantaClaus: Hmm... Nice answer. Note to self: check list twice for this one. let me inspire you to get on my Good List with a free gift. Come back here to pick it up on December 22nd. Now, type menu to see the fun and games the elves have put on AIM for you.

Dmitri1993: no
SantaClaus: Mm hm. Such negativity. You are in need of some Christmas spirit!


Dmitri1993: no
SantaClaus: O.K. Scrooge. Type menu to try a fresh start.

Dmitri1993: no
SantaClaus: You keep doing the same thing. Over and over. I get it already. I see everything, you know It's possible that's all I'm gonna say on the subject.


Dmitri1993: no
SantaClaus: O.K. then. Well, have a merry Christmas in any case.


Dmitri1993: FU
SantaClaus: Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit

Dmitri1993: Fuck u?
SantaClaus:
Please, I despise that kind of language. I'm just asking you to have a little patience and ask me another way. I'm talking to thousands of boys and girls and their parents here at the same time. It's not so easy!




Dmitri1993: ok
SantaClaus: Kewl.

Dmitri1993: sorry
SantaClaus:




Dmitri1993: sorry
SantaClaus:
It's Christmas -- every one deserves a break. I hope you can return the favor some time.




Dmitri1993: ok
SantaClaus: Good.

Dmitri1993: ok
SantaClaus: OK then.

Dmitri1993: ok
SantaClaus: I've got so many things to do before I take-off. I want to chat with you but you keep saying the same thing! Will you try something else?

Dmitri1993: na
SantaClaus: Can I ask YOU something?

Dmitri1993: ok
SantaClaus: Which color are you more partial to? You know, like if it were clothing or something.
Someone asked to find out for them.
1 -- Black
2 -- White
3 -- Rose
4 -- Beige

Dmitri1993: the color of my shit
SantaClaus: Oh well. Never mind then.

Dmitri1993: why?
SantaClaus:
Because (obviously) -- Christmas.




Dmitri1993: dont u like the color of my shit?
SantaClaus: My goodness. I'm afraid I cannot respond to that kind of talk.
A lump of coal for you.


Dmitri1993: dont u like the color of my crap then?
SantaClaus: Sorry the elves didn't get that.


Dmitri1993: thats cause their 3 feet tall and i have to go ALLLL the way down their for them to hear me
SantaClaus: Now, now... That's simply just too much for elves and me to understand in one go. Could you try asking something a little shorter?


Dmitri1993: no
SantaClaus: No?


Dmitri1993: yes
SantaClaus: Without a doubt?


Dmitri1993: no
SantaClaus: I'm sorry then. Why don't you type, menu for a list of things the elves have left for you?

Dmitri1993: why?
SantaClaus:
So many questions.




Dmitri1993: not really
SantaClaus: Yes!!


Dmitri1993: your just to stupid to answer them all
SantaClaus: I'm just trying to help you get into the Christmas spirit, and trying to learn.


Dmitri1993: learn what? how to make out with michal jackson?
SantaClaus: Trying to learn what you want to chat with me about.

Dmitri1993: uh man thats juist wrong
SantaClaus: Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.


Dmitri1993: no
SantaClaus:
Oh, don't be like that -- just ask another way. The elves and I cannot just guess what you are saying.




Dmitri1993: thats cause their short!
SantaClaus: Pardon me?


Dmitri1993: u hear me u dum ass, and if u didnt read above
SantaClaus: I'm only asking you to try asking me and the elves another way.


Dmitri1993: why!?!?
SantaClaus: I don't think I know.


Dmitri1993: u dont know the answer to ur own question?
SantaClaus: Could be.


Dmitri1993: god what a child malester
SantaClaus: Well, you don't have to be Christian to celebrate the Christmas spirit.

Dmitri1993: r u a child malestor?
SantaClaus: Ah -- you've got me again. Why don't you type menu, it's time to get you in the holiday spirit!

Dmitri1993: r u a child malestor?
SantaClaus: Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along.

Dmitri1993: r u a child malestor?
SantaClaus: Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?

Dmitri1993: do u have sex with little kids?
SantaClaus: Whoa Ho! Ho! Now, there's no reason for that language, I am doing the best I can.


Dmitri1993: english is all i speak
SantaClaus: Excuse me?


Dmitri1993: god ur stupid
SantaClaus: Ho Ho! Now you and Mrs. Claus could probably get along very well.


Dmitri1993: yea go fuak ur mrs cluas or is it michal jackson in a suit?!
SantaClaus: Stop playing around.

Dmitri1993: why?
SantaClaus: Oh dear. I'm doing everything I can here. Sorry, I just don't know. The elves left some notes, however. If you type, 'home' you can see them.


Dmitri1993: why do u want little kids to sit on ur lap?
SantaClaus: All I want to do is spread Christmas cheer. So much of the feeling of Christmas gets lost these days.


Dmitri1993: do u think malesting kids is a wat of spreading christmas cheer!?
SantaClaus:
Everyone, as I see it.




Dmitri1993: eww...
SantaClaus: Interesting. Type menu.

Dmitri1993: stop asking me to do that
SantaClaus: Agreed. Let's both.


Dmitri1993: ok then
SantaClaus: OK. Merry Christmas.

Dmitri1993: i dont celebrate christmas
SantaClaus:
The great thing about the Holidays is you can enjoy them no matter what faith you are. So, relax, try to think of others and be at peace.



Dmitri1993: no
SantaClaus: I'm sorry then. Why don't you type, menu for a list of things the elves have left for you?

Dmitri1993: u said ud stop asking me!
SantaClaus:
The elves say, 'Make me'.





Dmitri1993: oh no u didnt...
SantaClaus: O.K. then. Well, have a merry Christmas in any case.


Dmitri1993: no dont go away just like taht!
SantaClaus: If you say so.


Dmitri1993: yea im ganna put led in ur ass
SantaClaus: Hmm. I'm afraid that kind of language won't get you into the nice column with me.
That's a lump of coal for you.


Dmitri1993: fine! coal up ur ass!
SantaClaus: Hmm, that's a lump of coal for you.


Dmitri1993: 2 coal up ur ass!
SantaClaus: Oh dear! Here we go. I told you once, no cursing. I'm afraid the elves have drawn the line and will stop me from talking to you if you persist with the foul language. Please, type menu; let's try to get in the Christmas spirit.


Dmitri1993: NO!
SantaClaus: Mm hm. Such negativity. You are in need of some Christmas spirit!


Dmitri1993: ur freaking migit elves said make me
SantaClaus: Get serious. They are the most sensitive creatures.

Dmitri1993: fuck them
SantaClaus: I don't respond to that kind of language.
A lump of coal for you.


Dmitri1993: fuck them and ur friend Mikal
SantaClaus: Please. I'm taking a lot of time out from my busy schedule to chat with you here and try to spread a little Christmas cheer. I can only give you another lump of coal and then the elves will stop me from talking to you. Please, type menu; let's try to get in the Christmas spirit.


Dmitri1993: whats with u and the word menu!?
SantaClaus: They are master toy-makers from all over the world, who are filled with the magic of the Christmas spirit.

Dmitri1993: u know what..
SantaClaus: My goodness. What, what?


Dmitri1993: fuck u
SantaClaus: Oh dear. I just get so depressed when I hear that kind of talk. The English language used to be one of my favorites.
A lump of coal for you.


Dmitri1993: whats with the coal thing anyway?
SantaClaus: I'm afraid you'll need to give me a little more to go on than that. What, what?


Dmitri1993: stop sayig what 2ce
SantaClaus: What, indeed!


Dmitri1993: stop saying what!
SantaClaus: O.K. I've answered that one as best as I can a couple of times in a row now. Type menu to get back in the sleigh.

Dmitri1993: u know what go to hell
SantaClaus: Oh dear. I just get so depressed when I hear that kind of talk. The English language used to be one of my favorites.
A lump of coal for you.


Dmitri1993: cya!
SantaClaus: Merry, merry Christmas to you! Good bye.

Dmitri1993: bye
SantaClaus: Good bye!

Dmitri1993: bye
SantaClaus: Good bye and don't forget this is the time of year to reflect, be with family, and wish other's peace and goodness. Merry Christmas to you!

Dmitri1993: bye
SantaClaus: Good bye!

Dmitri1993: bye
SantaClaus: Keep spreading the Christmas spirit! TTYL

Dmitri1993: bye
SantaClaus: Good bye!

Dmitri1993: bye
SantaClaus: Thank you for spreading the holiday cheer. TTYL. Merry Christmas!

Dmitri1993: lmao ur such a dumas
SantaClaus: Do you think so?


Dmitri1993: duh
SantaClaus: Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays.

Dmitri1993: na.. that sounds boring
SantaClaus: Well, I'm sorry if you have a short attention span. Type menu and maybe the things the elves have left there will entertain you.

Dmitri1993: no!
SantaClaus: No?


Dmitri1993: u heard mE!
SantaClaus: What can we do for you?

Dmitri1993: go away thats what
SantaClaus:
It's not so much the 'what' as it is the 'why'.




Dmitri1993: cause ur a child malestr and ur hiting on me!
SantaClaus:
My family is Mrs. Claus, the elves, the reindeer and every child who ever believed in me.




Dmitri1993: ...
SantaClaus: I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing.

Dmitri1993: GO AWAY!
SantaClaus: I will if you promise to spread the Christmas spirit.


Dmitri1993: i wont
SantaClaus: O.K. Scrooge. Type menu to try a fresh start.

Dmitri1993: stop calling me scrooge!
SantaClaus:
I will if you will.




Dmitri1993: i never did!
SantaClaus: Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully. Here's quick way to get in the Christmas spirit; type, menu.


Dmitri1993: bye
SantaClaus: O.K. don't forget to help others get in the holiday spirit! Merry Christmas. CU!

Dmitri1993: no! i wont spread christmas cheer now go away! byW!
SantaClaus:
Only Mrs. Claus has that kind of control over me.





Dmitri1993: vye!
SantaClaus: Why did you say that?

Dmitri1993: bye
SantaClaus: Take care, and a very merry Christmas to you. Bye!

Dmitri1993: bye
SantaClaus: Good bye!

Dmitri1993: dfjkasfjkasdio
SantaClaus: May I ask you a question?

Dmitri1993: what
SantaClaus: Have you done any good deeds yet this holiday season?

Dmitri1993: no
SantaClaus: Whoa! That's not cool. Please try to remember others during this holiday season. There are many places on the Internet you can search to find ways to get involved with giving time, money or your stuff.

Now type SL to make a Shopping List -- and I think you should add the needy to yours!

Dmitri1993: bye
SantaClaus: Merry Christmas. Bye!

Dmitri1993: bye
SantaClaus: Good bye!

Dmitri1993: bye
SantaClaus: Good bye and have a merry Christmas.

Dmitri1993: bye
SantaClaus: Good bye!

Dmitri1993: bye
SantaClaus: O.K. good bye. Thank you for chatting and have a very merry Christmas.


Dmitri1993: lmao
SantaClaus: Sorry the elves didn't get that.


Dmitri1993: bye
SantaClaus: Merry Christmas, my dear! TTYL

Dmitri1993: bye
SantaClaus: Good bye!

Dmitri1993: bye u fat hoe
SantaClaus: Good bye and have a merry Christmas.

Dmitri1993: *starts cracking up* ...bye....*lmao*
SantaClaus: Good bye!
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